skywatch friday-a piece of thought

   sometimes,we tend to be happy even we are not sometimes,we tried to be strong even the truth is we are weak.......after weeks of mourning,here i am the pain of lossing a father still haunts me,i laugh, smile,talked just as i am used to be but the feeling deep down inside me is still crying.... crying for a father who asked his  youngest daughter before he died.i left my dad after ten days even on his crucial time,i know he will leave us very very soon but still i decided to go because i have to,and i have no choice.....after four days my dad passed away with the tears on his eyes looking for me,how can i ever forget that he asked me to decide on one big family issue,i am the youngest and yet he wants me to talked with everyone about his operation that everyone knows will only give him more trouble because his body is already to weak at that time,my dad knows it but he still insist for it,i want to give what he wish because i know it will make him happy for atleast on his last time i could give him what he wish for but my family refused and im the only one who wants it......

    to hard to move on when you know you just sit there and did nothing,some may say im useless like some  people say coz i just let my dad die with out the operation but in my opinion i know he is more happy now no more pains and sufferrings....because even the doctor says he may leave anytime for his body never accept any medication anymore,the feeling of  guilt is still on me,but, do i have to be guilty?am i wrong for not letting him have the operation?some say,i  did,we did the right thing but, whatever it is my dad already passed away and i have to move forward for there are still some missions for me to finish,anything what my dad started especially on SERVING THE PEOPLE for 20 yrs in my community,i may continue that in right time because for now i need more courage,time and effort....     there is one thing i can't forget with my dad,he may not be the perfect father for me but he is indeed a perfect father to teach us to love,respect ,have faith in God,to strive for our dreams and to believe that even the poorest person in the world could change his life if he got the guts and the courage to do it.  i will always miss  my dad and will always loved him.....

i took the pictures on my dad's last day of mourning at about 5 a.m.  as i look into the  sky bidding my last goodbye to him....

for more skywatch friday click  here :

what i miss in philippines

     my lovely hana

               there are lots of things that i missed in philippines,my adorable kids,my grand  children...and my whole family... yup,i am a young grandmother of nine  cute and lovely kids and i missed them terribly especially my pretty hana,during my last vacation they always stayed in my home and i enjoyed  playing with her,she really love to dance,to sing and to pose like a real model....her grandfather(my brother in-law)a photographer always capture any pose she will make and record all the song she used to sing,making video's of every move she is doing. well,actually most of hana's song are words or usual conversation from us-our daily talkings,anything she heard of us and keep on her memory....then she will combined it as a song...i can always remember one of her fave song and she's singing it like a rock star coz she's jumping ang banging while holding the microphone....one line of her song goes like this"buhay hirap-hirap,san punta....ewan ba" i really don't have any idea where she get all those lines...i was surprised then and laugh out loud because she's so adorable and there she's singing in front of us with her untitled song and lyrics from nowhere,lol!

 i also missed my kids,now they are growing so fast four  months from now two of them are already in high school,how i wish i can witness their graduation rites coz they are already asking me to come home a couple of times,i still didn't say yes coz i don't want any promises,if i can make things possible i would never say YES or NO,but surely i will be there if i can...

i missed them all and i missed all  the fun,i miss talking,singing with them and i missed preparing something for everyone cooking anytime of the day if im in the mood and later they will ask when will be the next snack or meal time because they enjoy the one they just finished.....

i also missed going anywhere like swimming and walking in the middle of rice fields,chatting with all my friends,long lost friends/classmates and long time neighbors since i was born...wandering the town where i used to live.im not a robot and i don't have a stone heart,well sometimes if i need to but season like this it is so hard not to feel the so called ''homesickness'' yep i still can feel it.

i don't want to be emo i just want to free this feeling and write anything here besides,this is the real purpose of this blog....to help me cope with anything and be my friend when i need someone to talk,...

she pose for a while to show her smile on the camera

can't wait for the microphone(on her 1st birthday)

i miss places like this

(thanks mariel for the beautiful photos)